Quarter-Life Crises and Making Changes

Something I've been trying to figure out lately is why no one tells you how hard your 20's are. I mean, seriously, there are millions of people in the world who have already survived their 20's, yet no one seems to want to offer any kind of warning about how much your 20's really take a toll on you. 
A little over a month ago, I felt like I was at the end of my rope. My anxiety was through the roof, and I decided to go to the doctor to figure out what was happening. Panic attacks were something serious. I was in my head a lot. The self-doubt was never ending, and it was like every single part of my life stressed me out. I cried a lot by myself and fell into a mini depression because I just felt so lost. 
When I went to the doctor, he diagnosed me with ADHD, something I definitely wasn't expecting. The ironic thing is that one of the side effects of ADHD is heightened anxiety, but somehow, once I started taking Vyvanse, my anxiety seemed to lower a little bit. My theory is that I was finally told that it wasn't just me. There was something "wrong" with me that was fixable, and maybe that helped to ease my mind a bit. 
While that's all well and good, I still felt so, so lost. I was still in my head, constantly questioning all of my actions and trying to figure out if I was wasting my time in every aspect of my life. 
What's my real passion? How do I figure out how to turn that into a career? What's the end game for my job? Will I stay with the company forever?  Why am I still in Louisiana? How do I know if I'm dating the person I'm meant to be with forever? What do I need to do to be truly happy?
That's just the tip of the iceberg. I felt like life was playing a game with me and tossing so many questions in my direction. 
Recently, I made a few decisions that I believe have helped steer me in the right direction. Surely I can't be the only one in my mid-twenties feeling lost with no clue where to go from here. I don't know what my passions are. I don't know what I want to do for the rest of my life. I feel like I don't even know who I am, and I'm having such a hard time trying to figure out how the hell to figure it out. 
Again I ask, why doesn't anyone tell you how hard your 20's are?It's a freaking rollercoaster of emotions and confusion and stress.
All that said, I feel like the decisions I've made have put me in a better place. I've been feeling so happy lately because I really feel like the world is my oyster and I can do whatever I want, but at the same time, I'm freaking out because I just don't know what I want. 
Are you a 20-something? Have you ever felt like you were having a quarter-life crisis? What advice do you have for people trying to figure out their lives?

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Ingrid Nilsen is Gay & I Love Her

Ingrid Nilsen came out in a video on her YouTube channel yesterday, and in spite of the video being nearly 20 minutes long, I watched it several times because I was so moved by her bravery and just the rawness of it all. [Scroll down to the bottom of this post to watch!] When I saw the thumbnail for the video, I honestly thought "What?" because I had no idea, and I think that goes to show that even when you make your life public on the internet, so much of yourself is still hidden. 
I've been a viewer of Ingrid's before I even created my own YouTube channel. I love her adorable and bubbly personality and her goofy sayings. She's such an inspiration to, not only me, but also the more than 3 million viewers who are subscribed to her channel. 
Even though, I'm not gay, it doesn't mean I can't relate to some of the struggles that Ingrid faced when trying to mask this part of her. She talks about how society put a stamp of disapproval on being gay, thus building the foundation for a metaphorical prison for her. She then continued to build the prison herself while suppressing her true feelings and her true self. 
I think a lot of people can relate to trying to hide the parts of themselves that they don't want other people to see. It's like everyone has their own idea of what perfection looks like, and there's always someone who is going to complain. As the saying goes, "You can be the ripest, juiciest peach in the world, but there will always be someone who doesn't like peaches." 
It's so incredibly brave and moving that Ingrid wanted to share this part of herself with all of the people who essentially allow her to do what she loves for a living. I appreciated the fact that she spoke to her viewers as if they were in the room with her. She shed light on something that needs to be talked about, especially with the current Supreme Court deliberations on same-sex marriage. The amount of love and respect I have for Ingrid has grown tenfold, and I really hope that a lot of good comes out of her being willing to share her story.
If you haven't watched the video yet, grab a box of tissues and hit play. 

What are your thoughts on Ingrid's coming out video?

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My Biggest Fear & Why I Try to Blend In

Okay, it's going to get really real really fast in this post, so here goes...

My biggest fear in life is getting raped. That along with being abducted or getting sold into human trafficking and the like. I read stories that literally bring me to tears and leave a pain in the pit of my stomach, and the thought of anything like that happening to me scares me so much that I find myself making choices that will help me blend in rather than stand out.

A lot of people may call me a plain Jane when it comes to my wardrobe, but most times, that's something I do on purpose. I've found that a lot of my wardrobe choices are based on helping me blend in and not bring too much attention to myself. Yes, I want to feel beautiful, but at the same time, I want to feel safe. While some people may find this a little extreme, it's completely normal for me.

I'm going to try say this in a way that doesn't make me sound vain, but there have been instances where a simple black v-neck and a pair of colored skinny jeans have caused men to wink at me or say inappropriate things to me. When I stepped out of the car in New Orleans, after a 5-hour drive in my PJs, a man stuck his arm and head out the window and said "hey, baby" to me, and I practically ran away. I've never been one to show cleavage and my wardrobe is pretty conservative, but that doesn't seem to matter.

Just the other day, I wore this outfit to work:

Had my sassy boots on today #workflow 👗👢 pic.twitter.com/q0iwlRJC5n
— Tiffany Khyla (@tiffanykhyla) March 5, 2015

A man was walking past me in the hall, and he paused in his steps, looked me up and down and made an "mmm" noise. Mind you, the skirt of my dress is loose, accentuating nothing, and my chest area was completely covered with my blazer and scarf. In no way, did I think this outfit was sexy, but this man thought it was okay to make a noise at me like I was a piece of juicy steak that was just presented to him on a silver platter.

When did it become okay for men to make noises at women as if they were food, as if women are simply pieces of meat put on this earth for their enjoyment?

It's instances like this that make me want to be plain, wear less make-up, let my hair stay frizzy, and wear nothing but loose clothing. All because of the fear that I carry around with me.

Sometimes, even going out with friends is a task. People assume that because I'm out dancing with my girls and I don't have a guy in tow, I'm looking to talk to them. I'll be dancing with my group of friends and guys will come up behind me and start grinding with me. It makes me uncomfortable, and when I push them away, I get called a b-word, when I didn't even insinuate that I had any interest in them in the first place.

The fact that I can't walk down the street at night or even to my car in the Wal-Mart parking lot without being afraid is a problem.

It's not fair that I should have to go out of my way to try to avoid situations that shouldn't even be dangerous in the first place. Cat calls, winks, inappropriate noises, etc. make women feel degraded, and it's not fair for us to have to be wary of our non-sexual actions because of the fear of a man noticing us and the potential for that to lead to something horrific. A simple "How are you doing today?" is fine until you answer them and they start following you in a deserted parking lot at night while you're alone. It's scary, and I know that I would never be able to protect myself in those situations. I've read comments on articles about this subject, and I've seen people say things like those things aren't considered harassment or there are some people that would welcome the compliments, but when I feel like my life is in danger, there's no reason for me to say "thank you" to anybody or try to make someone believe that I'm even remotely interested because who knows what that could lead to?

I'm going to end with these two things:

1// A photographer named Allaire Bartel created a series called "Boundaries" that shows women going through their daily motions and experiencing sexual harassment. It focuses on sexual aggression and male entitlement and how women become almost blind to the fact that it's happening because it's so prevelant in today's society. The message of the series is so powerful, and you can view the photos and more information about them by clicking here.

2// This video that you may have seen that perfectly embodies the message I'm trying to convey in this post. Going through some of the comments really sickened me, both from the people telling their own stories of sexual harassment and also the people who don't understand how it's considered harassment.



Have you ever experienced things like this? What are your thoughts on the subject?

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Open Letter to My Ex-Boyfriend.

Dear Chris, 
When I walked away from you four years ago, I didn't take a second glance. We didn't speak. I didn't even think about you, not once. Anytime you came up in conversation, it was just through passing. Nothing to really linger on, discuss or talk about. 
Anytime I feel like my life starts to get too normal, something jumps out at me, and I never thought that it would have anything to do with you. When I saw that I had a new Facebook message from somebody I didn't even know, I didn't think it would have to do with the boy that I broke up with so long ago.
I guess it's stupid of me to try to blame myself for something that obviously has nothing to do with me, but a tiny part of me does. Knowing everything that I learned about you during our year together, I feel like there were signs of sadness and loneliness, but I didn't think any of it was suicidal. Not until now at least. We were happy until we weren't anymore, and there's no way for me to know how your life turned out after me.
I always thought that the people who commit suicide were selfish, and even though you're not here anymore, I still think you're selfish. Why would you do that to yourself? What pushed you over the edge and made you think you could end your life like that? Didn't you think about your family? How is your mom going to explain this to your precious little sister who looked up to you like you were just a step down from God Himself?
Four years I went without thinking about you, and now I'm angry with you for being more selfish than I was back then, but I'm also sad that you were so unhappy that you felt like you needed to leave this earth the way that you did. I hope you find peace wherever you end up and know that people are thinking about you.

December 2009

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Don't Be the Nail That Gets Hammered (Guest Post).

Don't mind me, I'm just gallivanting through Versailles today. Just another normal day. But more on that later.

While that's awesome and all, I'm also way too excited to have Mo from Ollivander Mo guest posting on my blog today. She is my fellow Harry Potter lover, and we have the most random things in common, like both of our boyfriends' names are Jon! We also have the same taste in books. Also, both of us went through rush and dropped out before initiation, and you'll hear more about Mo's story below.

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I have a confession to make. Once upon a time, I pledged for a sorority...and I found my Happily Ever After once I decided to drop out.

If you knew anything about me, the idea of me getting involved in Greek life would've shot your eyebrows up so high they would've whipped straight off your head and into Earth's outer atmosphere. I'm not here to bash Greek life or any of the (actually really lovely) sorority girls. I'm here to tell you to never lose sight of yourself.

Years ago I put my heart, effort, time and devotion into Greek life. I went through the entire pledging process and accepted complete strangers as my "sisters." Eventually, I paused for a minute to take a look around and realized that deep down, I wasn't happy.

I was the girl who preferred Pokémon over Pretty Little Liars, Disneyland over Vegas and wizard rock concerts over raves. Yet, after weeks of going through the pledging process, I looked in the metaphorical mirror and didn't like what I was seeing. Backstage drama put me consistently on-edge and pushed me to adapt a meaner personality. I was losing sight of the things that made me happiest (my nerdiness) and most of all, I realized I was giving my committed friendship and devotion to girls whose loyalties were less than unwavering.

Fortunately, I was able to come to the decision to drop a week before initiation. I hold no hard feelings for the girls, but I knew in my heart it just wasn't me. Today, I encourage you to reflect on everything you're putting your efforts into in your life and ask if it's really "you." Would the you five years ago be proud? What about the you five years from now?

When I first told Jon of my brief experience in Greek life, he gave me a quote. "The nail that sticks out, gets hammered down." I was that nail, and I was being hammered. However, I believe that we should all be nails. Being creative doesn't just mean being artistic. It means being different and thinking differently.

While the nail that sticks out may get hammered down, that just means you must stand strong in your beliefs and be too stubborn to be molded. Whether you believe you're different or not, you are and you can't let anyone block the vision you have for yourself.

How do you stay true to yourself?
Leave a comment below!

Mo Olivas is an all around creative and a digital media designer and producer. She loves helping others find and express their creative side at OllivanderMo.com. On her free time she also vlogs and produces beauty videos on YouTube. 

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Motivated Mondays: Let's Talk Religion

One thing I never talk about on the blog is religion, but I figure I can just bring it up once and be done with it. Okay? Okay.

I believe in God and consider myself to be a Christian, but I'm still trying to figure out what that means. When I was younger, my family never made me go to church. All I remember about church from when I was little is going with my grandma and going to Ryan's afterward. My family wasn't super religious, so they never pushed me to go to Sunday school or to service regularly. I just went with my grandma when I felt like it. When I moved in with my mom and step-dad, I found that they weren't religious at all. That being said, I never really felt like I had to or needed to go to church or pray or anything like that because if my family didn't, then why should I?

I've gone to several churches throughout my life. I've been to Methodist churches, Baptist churches, Catholic, Church of Christ, Episcopal, African, Pentecostal, Non-Denominational. I'm just a curious person and wanted to see what they were all about. Friends invited me, but I never had a church that I went to regularly.

So why all the skepticism? Why didn't I just jump into the open arms of one of those churches? Honestly, some of the churches just made me feel uncomfortable. Not all of them, but most of the ones I went to. Some of the Christians I know are also the ones I see committing the worst kinds of sins, and I think to myself, "Is that what being a Christian is about? Doing the most horrible things Monday through Saturday, but all of that being erased because you went to church on Sunday?" The world is full of hypocrites, and I've seen some of the worst hypocrisy from people hiding behind their religion. I'm obviously not saying I'm perfect and that I'm not a hypocrite, because I am, but I can say that I haven't committed any sins in the name of God, and I don't use Him as any kind of justification for my actions.

I've also had some really awkward situations with a few churches. I started going to this one church because this guy came up to my friends and me at Sonic after my Halloween party. Sounds sketchy, but I promise it wasn't. This was in high school. I decided to go, and I brought a few friends along. I went there for awhile actually, and it was cool at first, but as soon as the youth leader got me pretty involved, he decided that he could make me do things. He wanted to force me to do this dance in front of a bunch of people. He wanted to force me to give 10% of my paycheck to the church - mind you, I worked at Moe's at the time making minimum wage, and I gave offerings, but he said it wasn't enough. He told me that I was a sinner just because I listened to music that didn't glorify God. He was pushing his religion on me in the wrong way, and I just started to feel uncomfortable. When I stopped going to the church, he blew up my phone, leaving inappropriate voicemails about my sins. That kind of killed it for me.

Not all of my experiences with church have been bad though. I went to this church with one of my close friends in high school, and I really enjoyed it. I even went to Youth Convention with them and had a blast. When I graduated high school, they gave me a Bible with my name embossed in it. They were nice there, and I enjoyed going, but then I left for college. When I was in college, there was an awesome church that I enjoyed going to, but I just never went regularly because I slept in on Sundays.
I guess my problem is that I've had people be turned off to me because of my religious ignorance. And that's what it is - ignorance. I know that. I know it's my fault for not trying to learn everything I can about God and not reading the Bible on the daily. That's why I don't know anything about it. I'm just skeptical to believe something written forever ago that's been translated a million times. I mean, things get lost in translation. That aside, like I said, I have encountered people who dislike me and judge me because I wasn't raised to go to church every Sunday and blindly follow the Bible. It's people like that that make me not want to learn about Christianity. People who judge me because I wasn't raised the same way. 

My step-dad has always told me that if you're a good person and you do good things, you'll be alright, and I've spent my life since high school just trying to do that, regardless of their religious (or not religious) affiliation. I know that everyone sins, but I'd say my sins are pretty minuscule comparatively speaking. I do believe in God, but I'm still trying to figure out what this whole Christianity thing is about.

{via}

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