Endless Bliss | Happy Lifestyle Blog: My Biggest Fear & Why I Try to Blend In

My Biggest Fear & Why I Try to Blend In



Okay, it's going to get really real really fast in this post, so here goes...

My biggest fear in life is getting raped. That along with being abducted or getting sold into human trafficking and the like. I read stories that literally bring me to tears and leave a pain in the pit of my stomach, and the thought of anything like that happening to me scares me so much that I find myself making choices that will help me blend in rather than stand out.

A lot of people may call me a plain Jane when it comes to my wardrobe, but most times, that's something I do on purpose. I've found that a lot of my wardrobe choices are based on helping me blend in and not bring too much attention to myself. Yes, I want to feel beautiful, but at the same time, I want to feel safe. While some people may find this a little extreme, it's completely normal for me.

I'm going to try say this in a way that doesn't make me sound vain, but there have been instances where a simple black v-neck and a pair of colored skinny jeans have caused men to wink at me or say inappropriate things to me. When I stepped out of the car in New Orleans, after a 5-hour drive in my PJs, a man stuck his arm and head out the window and said "hey, baby" to me, and I practically ran away. I've never been one to show cleavage and my wardrobe is pretty conservative, but that doesn't seem to matter.

Just the other day, I wore this outfit to work:




A man was walking past me in the hall, and he paused in his steps, looked me up and down and made an "mmm" noise. Mind you, the skirt of my dress is loose, accentuating nothing, and my chest area was completely covered with my blazer and scarf. In no way, did I think this outfit was sexy, but this man thought it was okay to make a noise at me like I was a piece of juicy steak that was just presented to him on a silver platter.

When did it become okay for men to make noises at women as if they were food, as if women are simply pieces of meat put on this earth for their enjoyment?

It's instances like this that make me want to be plain, wear less make-up, let my hair stay frizzy, and wear nothing but loose clothing. All because of the fear that I carry around with me.

Sometimes, even going out with friends is a task. People assume that because I'm out dancing with my girls and I don't have a guy in tow, I'm looking to talk to them. I'll be dancing with my group of friends and guys will come up behind me and start grinding with me. It makes me uncomfortable, and when I push them away, I get called a b-word, when I didn't even insinuate that I had any interest in them in the first place.

The fact that I can't walk down the street at night or even to my car in the Wal-Mart parking lot without being afraid is a problem.

It's not fair that I should have to go out of my way to try to avoid situations that shouldn't even be dangerous in the first place. Cat calls, winks, inappropriate noises, etc. make women feel degraded, and it's not fair for us to have to be wary of our non-sexual actions because of the fear of a man noticing us and the potential for that to lead to something horrific. A simple "How are you doing today?" is fine until you answer them and they start following you in a deserted parking lot at night while you're alone. It's scary, and I know that I would never be able to protect myself in those situations. I've read comments on articles about this subject, and I've seen people say things like those things aren't considered harassment or there are some people that would welcome the compliments, but when I feel like my life is in danger, there's no reason for me to say "thank you" to anybody or try to make someone believe that I'm even remotely interested because who knows what that could lead to?

I'm going to end with these two things:

1// A photographer named Allaire Bartel created a series called "Boundaries" that shows women going through their daily motions and experiencing sexual harassment. It focuses on sexual aggression and male entitlement and how women become almost blind to the fact that it's happening because it's so prevelant in today's society. The message of the series is so powerful, and you can view the photos and more information about them by clicking here.

2// This video that you may have seen that perfectly embodies the message I'm trying to convey in this post. Going through some of the comments really sickened me, both from the people telling their own stories of sexual harassment and also the people who don't understand how it's considered harassment.



Have you ever experienced things like this? What are your thoughts on the subject?

54 comments :

  1. I saw this video months ago and it was disgusting. I can't believe men act this way. They've done it to me before so I completely feel where you're coming from. And I almost NEVER show cleavage, wear anything too tight, etc. Hell, I walk to the mailbox and all the truckers from the bottle factory across the street honk at me as they drive by. While I'm wearing an oversized fluffy winter coat! What the hell is that?

    I don't have a fear of getting raped. I live too far in the country to have to worry about anyone in general. Everyone lives on a couple acres of land as it is and it takes us 30-45 minutes just to get into town. But I have dealt with these things in the past. I blend in always. I hate attention and I do anything in my power to make sure none is put on me.


    www.fromdogwoodstomagnolias.com

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  2. It's a sad world we live in when you can't even feel safe in what you choose to wear, knowing it is in by no means the stereotypical "sexy come rape me" outfit. It's sad that that stereotype even exists, to be honest. As a gay man, I have had fears every now and again when I have been in a bar or when I used to date people I just met online (scary, I know...). I am glad that is all behind me, but I still can't help but think about all the people who are affected by this every single day... very thought provoking read. I can't even say all I am thinking about nor do I know if any of that even made a BIT of sense!

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  3. I have never heard of Boundaries and will definitely be checking it out. Also the video is so try. It's sad that you have to be so cautious. And while I don't take quiet the extremes with my clothes, one of the reasons I recently quit my job was because of harassment and the lack of support from the company I worked for.
    You have written a very thoughtful post on the issue.

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  4. I love this post, Tiffany...very well said and so true. I have had men come up and start grinding on a dance floor just like you mentioned and same thing, you try to push them away or basically stop them from rubbing up against you and you get the b-word thrown at you. Seriously?! That always makes me SO mad!! And men don't get that catcalling and all of that is degrading. They think it's flattery. So, until that mindset is changed, it'll continue! Glad you're putting this message out there. I saw that video when it came out and totally believe it. Whenever I'm in NYC (I live not far from the city so I'm there once or twice a month), I ALWAYS cross the street if I see construction crews working because I don't want to walk past them!

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  5. Oh my gosh, this post makes me so sad! I'm so sorry you feel scared to be in public. It makes me even more sad that you feel that what you wear determines the acts of criminals. Catcalling is disgusting and not acceptable in the slightest. I get stared at no matter what I'm wearing. In fact, I've noticed in the past that when I look worse, more creeps say things to me. Maybe it's because since I don't look as good, they think I'll be desperate enough to talk to them. Who knows. When I notice the comments, I always respond with a glare or look of disgust. I couldn't give a flying fuck if someone like that calls me a bitch. I hope that one day you are able to stop limiting your freedom and your happiness due to the fear of deranged men.

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  6. I have so many thoughts so I'm going to try and say them coherently.


    First off, yes to all of this. It's so frustrating having these types of fears and letting them dictate your life. I have completely unrelated fears and have let them get in the way of living my life, so I completely understand your pain and frustration when it comes to that.


    However, I just want to say that this is one thing that I feel truly passionate about: don't be afraid to wear whatever it is you want to wear. It is *NOT* our job to make men resist us. We should not change ourselves because some men think it's ok to catcall and say rude things (or worse).


    When I lived in NY, it was the worst. I lived in an ungentrified neighborhood for my first few months there and moved *because* I felt so unsafe and I still regret that because if I feel so passionately about this kind of stuff than I should be standing up for myself. I remember one time I was wearing sweatpants and a winter coat, walking my laundry to the laundromat and I got one of the rudest cat calls. I didn't understand what I could have done differently.


    No matter what you're wearing, there are going to be idiots. Just like no matter how kind you are to people, there's going to be someone that always mean back to you. We can't change the evil and bad things in this world but that doesn't mean we have to change ourselves because of them.


    Anyway, end of rant. You're an amazing human being and I love that you shared this with the world.

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  7. Tiffany, I love this and thank you for these powerful words.


    Honestly, I've always found it interesting that while I get nervous, I've never had that terrified feeling of being kidnapped. I definitely get wary, and have been getting more nervous the older I become, but I've never felt as afraid as I probably should. But the fact that women as a whole get nervous when we're alone, even in broad daylight, is a problem. While guys can give compliments and have it be okay, so many times what they find as a compliment is not how it comes across. It usually sounds crass and as if they are wanting something in return.


    And I hate the fact that you have to feel like you need to blend in to stay protected. I hate that we've now invented nail polish for women to wear so they can tell if their drink has been tampered with. That women will go intervene with someone they've never met and pretend they're long-lost friends to get them away from a guy who doesn't understand the word "no". That women have been killed for turning a man down. None of this is acceptable, and it infuriates me.


    I hope you know how amazing and wonderful you are, and that you are worth so much more than how some men treat you. I hope that someday you feel free enough to wear what makes you feel good no matter what it is, without having to deal with catcalls from men who clearly don't respect women.

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  8. I get really disguested when I hear people say things like, "Well maybe she shouldn't have been wearing that." Men & women alike need to comprehend that clothing is never an invitation to take advantage of someone. Nothing is an invitation to do that to someone.

    I understand this fear all too well considering some of my own family members' stories. I'm glad you opened up about this in your blog. I think I've moved past having this fear on a general basis, but there are certain times when I can feel the panic set in, ie. a dark parking lot, even in a perfectly safe neighborhood. In those cases I usually carry my keys between my fingers and always check my backseat before I get in. It's enough to drive someone more than a little mental.






    P.S. While I understand your hesitation with certain outfit choices, you're style is always on point! :)

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  9. Ugh, men can be such trash. I completely understand this fear; I think all women do. Someone's appearance is not an invitation or excuse for harassment. I love your outfit from your Instagram photo and I think you should be able to bravely rock it without being afraid. I'm tired of being scared to walk home alone at night, whether it be in sweat pants or a dress. Thank you for this post--I know hard stuff like this can be difficult to write about.

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  10. This is an absolutely fantastic post, Tiffany. I've had similar thoughts and experiences (and wrote about one way back when and actually get heavily criticized for it), and it's just so overwhelming and sad. It's sad that this is even a discussion to be had in today's society. I desperately want to be able to say "just wear what you want - you do you, girl!" But I understand that that's just not possible sometimes because of circumstantial surroundings. I dont know what to say more besides thank you for being brave and sharing those - you are not alone.

    cominguprosestheblog.com

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  11. Sigh. :/ I'm so sorry that you feel this way, but I am completely with you on this, and also extremely disgusted/upset that it's become so prevalent that I've almost grown used to it(?). The one instance that I can remember the most clearly was when I was walking home from school one day (I was in high school), and this car slowed down as I was about to cross a street. I thought he was lost and needed directions, but...definitely not the case. He thought it'd be appropriate to tell me in detail what he wanted to do to me whilst touching himself, and I decided to ignore him and keep walking. He drove back around twice more, and since I pretended he didn't exist, he yelled a string of obscenities at me. His 5(?)-year-old son (I assume) was in the car with him. (That's the part I found the most disturbing.)

    I do agree that no matter what we wear, there will always [unfortunately] be idiots. By default, I really do like to dress for comfort, but I have noted in the past
    that I've talked myself out of wearing dressier shoes (or outfit in
    general) just because I know I won't be able to run away or defend
    myself as effectively. Tis a fun world we live in. :/

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  12. It is so messed up that we have to feel this way. I am a lot like you, I always want to cover up. I didn't start wearing tank tops until I was 13 and I rarely do. Part of it is insecurity but, more, I liked to be covered. I have no clue what spurred this but, I have always been pretty modest despite not being religious or anything. That is why I get so jealous of cold weather dwellers. I hate living in Arizona because it makes it hard to be covered and not die of heat exhaustion. I know it is scary for college girls because the stats are real. I never really heard about sexual assault on campus until after I graduated. I think back to those nights walking home at night from class and want to smack myself. When I first started dating my husband he lived in a very unsafe neighborhood and that was the one time of my life I truly was always scared. We would hear gunshots almost nightly. My car got broken into the same week I moved in. The helicopters were always shinning at night in the neighborhood and surrounding area (gotta love SOPHO right @Ktcyril). I eventually talked him into moving to a neighborhood were I feel safe to get the mail.


    Sadly we live in a messed up world. It doesn't matter the age, guys can be pervs. The think if we wear something even remotely revealing, it's an open invite. In January my family was at an in home retirement home celebrating my great grandmas 100th birthday. I was just standing there and an old guy came up and tried to kiss me on the lips. I first felt bad thinking he didn't know any better come to find out he does it to any attractive female! So gross. My sister dealt with someone harassing her after work to the point where she started carrying mace or pepper spray.


    The best accessory you can wear is confidence and awareness. Be aware of all your surroundings. Try and use a buddy system. I used to work at a mall back in the day and we would always walk together in the parking garage after work. If someone is unavailable to accompany you in places that can become unsafe, be prepared. Also this goes for ANYONE at any age. Do not drink and leave your friends. The thing is, it seems a lot of sexual assaults happen when drinking is involved. Never accept a drink from someone you don't know or trust. If you feel unease even begin to start, call 911, step into a shop, anything to sidetrack the perp.


    I think you are super brave and honestly think you have an advantage because you are actually AWARE this can happen. Living in fear is not how anyone should have to live, but it can be a motivator too. Stay strong and thank you for spreading the word. Brilliant post as always.

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  13. Tiffany, I just have to say that based on JUST your button picture, you are beautiful. And based on your writing, you are a beautiful soul and care a lot about modesty, both physical and mental modesty. I am a Mormon, and we have high standards of modesty as well, but our youth have come up with a silly slogan: modest is hottest. I don't find anything wrong with that saying, but you do make a good point, that it is so hard to feel of worth these days sometimes, especially sexually, especially with things coming out like 50 Shades of Grey that glorify objectification of women.

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  14. I'm glad you agree, Sarah. When I was going through some of the comments people made on the video, I was absolutely horrified. I don't understand why some people think that those things are okay. It's very discouraging to think that no matter what you're wearing, even if it's an oversized fluffy coat, some men think it's okay to say inappropriate things to you.

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  15. It really is sad. I just want to feel safe, and the fact that I can't go run an errand at night for the fear of something horrible happening to me is just wrong. I honestly have no idea how I would defend myself is someone approached me, plus I frighten pretty easily. It's sad that you've had these fears too, and it just goes to show that it's a universal issue, not just one isolated toward women. Thanks so much for reading!

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  16. I completely agree. It is sad when you have to be so alert all the time because of the fear of what might happen if you stop paying attention for just a little bit. That's horrible that you had to leave your job because of something like this. I can't believe the company you worked for was unwilling to take a stand with you!

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  17. When someone comes up to me and starts dancing inappropriately, I catch myself almost feeling bad that I rejected them, but then I remember that I didn't invite them to do that to me. It's horrible that they throw those words around after they were the ones being inappropriate. Being degraded is one of the worst feelings in the world, and I hate that so many women have to deal with that feeling on a daily basis.

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  18. I love your confidence so much, Megan. You made a good point about why men may hit on women when they aren't all made up. Usually when people make comments toward me, I ignore them and keep walking. I hope one day I can have the confidence to glare at them and let them know that what they're doing is not okay.

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  19. Gosh, Katie, I love everything that you just said so much. You're so right. Why should I be the one to change how I look or dress or anything because of men? It's not fair, and I hate that so many men think the things they're doing and saying are okay. I also hate that many women have become almost immune to it that they don't say anything about and just let it happen. After reading all of the comments on this post, I really think I'm going to try not to let this fear control how I live my life so much. I don't know if the fear will ever go away, but I just can't let it hold me back as much as I've let him. Men are going to do and say whatever they want regardless of what I do or how I dress, and I'm starting to understand that now.

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  20. I completely agree, Olivia. Giving a compliment is okay, but when it crosses the line into making someone feel uncomfortable, that's when it's just wrong. When I first heard about the nail polish you're referring to, I thought it was brilliant, and then I thought about it, and like you, I thought that it's sad that society even has to invent something like this. The fact that those situations happen so often that the precautions have to be taken to that level isn't okay. Thanks so much for sharing your insight and kind words.

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  21. Right?! No matter what anyone wears, it's not an invitation to do or say anything inappropriate. I don't understand why some men feel like they're so entitled. I'm always paranoid when walking anywhere by myself. I hate getting gas or running errands at night, but I also don't think it's fair that I should have to be scared or wary at all. You just hear so many horror stories and things like this happen every day. It's so sad.

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  22. I really hate that women have to have this fear in the first place. I think it shows how wrong some things in our society still are. So many people are stuck in old times, and some men still feel like they're entitled and view women as property. It's so horrible. Thanks so much much for sharing your thoughts, Sammi.

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  23. Erica, that's so horrible that you were criticized for writing about this subject. I'd love to read your post if you still have it up! Like you, I hate that this is still a hot topic today and that so many women have this fear and deal with it day-to-day. So many people are living in the past, and I'm ready to live in a world where women are viewed as equals. Thanks so much for your kind words, Erica!

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  24. My heart just broke reading that story, Farrah. That's absolutely horrible and disgusting. I can't believe that men like that exist in the world, and the fact that his son was in the car makes it even worse. That's so scary, and I hate that you were even in that situation. I completely understand what you mean by growing used to it. It happens so frequently, that it's easy to become almost immune to those situations when they happen, which is even worse! I know it's happened to me so many times, and I don't even think twice about it, but I need to be better about speaking up about it, which is why I decided to write this post.

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  25. Shawna, I completely understand what you mean! When I think about all of the times I walked back to my dorm or apartment by myself in the dark with no protection, I just shake my head, because who knows what could have happened? Thank goodness nothing did. I can't imagine living in a neighborhood like that! That's so scary, and that's great that you convinced your husband to move.


    You're so right that harassment happens at any age. It's sad that your sister had to go to the extreme of carrying pepper spray with her. It really isn't fair that women even have to feel so scared that they need to carry anything to have to protect themselves. It's so sad!


    Thanks so much for your response to all of this and the great advice that you had to give!

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  26. Tayler, thank you so much for all of your kind words. You're so sweet. I've never read or seen 50 Shades of Grey and have no interest in doing so because I think that things like that almost set us back a little bit. I feel like we need to be working toward a society of equality, and when you're promoting female submissiveness in a forum as big as the cinema, we're taking a few steps back.

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  27. Melanie @ Nutritious EatsMarch 9, 2015 at 11:54 PM

    It is so scary to think about..... and having two daughters (ages 1 and 6) I feel sick that I won't be able to protect them forever. All we can do is learn to be strong women, who know how to defend themselves and let a-holes know it's NOT ok. We can do that, right?!!

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  28. I really hope that when your daughters are older, there will at least be a little more development on issues like this. I think teaching your daughters to defend themselves and just educating them on things like this will do such good things for them!

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  29. Ugh, this whole thing always makes me so mad Tiffany. I am completely with you.


    Frankly, I always thought this started in highschool with dress codes. I once got sent home for having 1/2" of skin showing between my jeans and my t-shirt (jeans were low, shirts were cropped, and I'm tall.. it was an unfortunate reality of my life) no tank tops, no bra straps showing, no skirts shorter than the tips of your fingers, etc. etc. etc.


    teenage boys can't contain themselves, so girls need a dress code. Doesn't necessarily send the right message, to young men OR women, about respecting each other.


    I came home one day to my boyfriend watching that video and he was HORRIFIED by what was happening to this poor girl, and I watched it (unphased) he couldn't figure out why I didn't feel bad for her. I had to explain that it's because she could be any woman in any city in the world, and I do feel bad, but I've been that girl so I'm not as shocked as he is by the video, it's normal.


    I think that bothered him more. 1) That it happens to me and 2) That it happens so frequently and he was completely ignorant of it.

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  30. That is so awesome that you shared this. I agree. As woman we shouldn't feel like pieces of meat. We need to be shown respect. But you know what I think makes this hard for us? There are women out there who don't care. They don't care how men treat them, which makes it hard for us who do. Way to talk about this. It is something that needs to change!

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  31. Definitely true! It makes me sad that we know it's completely horrible and in no way okay, but so much of us have to live with it each day. I need to work on speaking up about it too, so that may transcribe itself into a future post! :] Thank you for the inspiration! <3 Baby steps to hopefully changing the world for the better!

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  32. I have the same fears too sometimes, after I was almost date-raped at a party in college (He cornered me on the stairs and I pushed him down them after he tried to force me back up them to the bathroom) I've been terrified of going to parties, even if I know the people, or any situation that could lead to that again. I was followed one time at night and I hissed at the guy, which actually made him run away. I'm frankly scared of men as well. This is something that definitely needs to be talked about and changed!!

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  33. Here's the main post: http://cominguprosestheblog.com/on-almost-being-kidnapped/
    And it's follow up is hyperlinked! I'm so so excited to hear your thoughts. This is a discussion worth having.

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  34. I always thought that was wrong. Girls can't control guys' hormones. They know we wear bras, and showing 1/2" of skin shouldn't be a huge issue. By I agree, it all starts in high school. Sometimes sooner. I showed the video to my boyfriend and let him read this post, and he got so angry. The fact is that as women, we can't do anything to prevent men from looking at us. I think the world needs to change their mindsets though, because we shouldn't be immune to this stuff. We should be able to recognize it and stand up for us. And in return, men need to realize it's wrong and do something about it. That's not going to happen anytime soon though. Sigh.

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  35. That's so true, Sierra. Women need to stand united on this. I know women who welcome this sort of attention, and it sickens me, because it sets us all back. If a few women think it's okay, then the men who do these kinds of things will continue to do them and not see a problem with it.

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  36. Jess, that's absolutely terrifying! I'm so sorry that happened to you, but it's great that you were able to defend yourself in the situation and get out of there. I agree that this is an issue that needs to be brought to the world's attention, because these things aren't okay, and they need to change.

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  37. I am waiting to do more research, but i have a blog lined up on why we need feminism. We are taught to always be on our guard, dress modestly, stick with friends, don't walk in certain areas, carry pepper spray, etc. It's just safety, but women are taught to live in fear, especially of men. I've never gone out dancing with just girls. I've always brought a guy friend along for safety because there are so many creepers. One time this guy grabbed me to dance and wouldn't let me go. Whenever I would try to leave he would hold one tighter. That was the last time I went as a single lady. Now if I go dancing Pai comes with. I wonder where men learned it was okay to cave to their animalistic instincts. Have we allowed men to treat us this way? Have earlier generations created a pattern of objectification? I'm not sure, but I am glad that people are standing up and speaking out against this problem. I'm so sorry you were objectified. You always dress adorably, and for a man to violate you in such a way is sickening and abusive!

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  38. So powerful, Tiffany! I read it a few days ago on my phone but wanted to wait until I was at my laptop to comment. I often feel much the same way, especially living in Philadelphia, where the streets aren't always safe, even WITH campus security. I know what the world needs is gender equality, but in the meanwhile, I hate that I have to feel uncomfortable walking around town or traveling alone or doing anything else just because I'm a woman. Thank you for sharing - you're not alone!


    acupoftay.com

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  39. Everything you said was so true. I never thought about it like that, but women are taught from a young age to always be on guard and protect ourselves. Instead of teaching women that, why are people teaching men to not objectify women? It doesn't make sense. That's good that you always go dancing with a guy in tow. That's so smart. I would have been terrified if a guy grabbed me to dance and wouldn't let go. It's especially worse when they have a few drinks in them. A lot of them just feel so entitled! I'm looking forward to your feminism post.

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  40. It's really not fair that women have to live with these fear. I get scared just walking alone in Shreveport, but I feel like a big city like Philadelphia is a million times worse. I really hope that gender equality comes around sooner rather than later. I don't get why gender inequality (or really inequality in general) is still an issue. Thanks so much for taking the time to read and comment, Taylor!

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  41. That's awesome, Farrah! I definitely think the more people that speak up about this issue, the sooner we can start changing people's mindsets. So happy I could provide some inspiration for you!

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  42. That's insane! It's so horrible. Why do some men think it's okay to do and say these things? It makes people feel uncomfortable, and nothing good can come of it.

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  43. Thanks, Erica! Can't wait to check the posts out!

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  44. I know how you feel. What saddens me more is that I already see some of these behaviors in the kids I teach. It amazes me the boundaries they'll cross and the things they say. It's sad that women don't feel safe in their normal, everyday surroundings and that we (our society) seems to be leaving a negative imprint on kids that will only make it worse. :(

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  45. That's horrible that it starts at such a young age! I really feel like society as a whole really isn't helping, because no one is really encouraged to speak out against it. Instead, we're taught to ignore it and become immune to it and take our own precautions. We aren't the ones that should be changing; it should be the men who do these sort of things that should be.

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  46. I am so with you on this!! That's why I always wore a wedding ring when I was single to avoid attention. If I went out to meet guys I would take it off. Love love having a ring on my finger guys don't bother you if you do.

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  47. I'm so happy you get where I'm coming from on this, Lauren! It's sad that women have to take measures to avoid things like this happening.

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  48. I've always been one to take plenty of safety measures--my biggest one being avoiding going out alone when I can help it--the good old walking to my car with the sharp edges of the car key sticking out in case the need for an instant weapon arises. Honestly, I would be incredibly surprised if the world changed to become a safe place for women within our lifetimes--it seems like too huge of a task, but we can all work towards it.

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  49. I do the same thing as you. I try not to walk anywhere alone, especially at night, and I'm always alert. I also walk a little faster when I'm alone. I would love for the world to become a safer place for women. It most likely won't be during our time, but it's definitely something we can start working toward to make it a safer place for future generations.

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  50. Do not merely walk faster Tiffany. Walk stronger, bolder as well. Preferably with a more masculine swagger, ie keep the feet approx. at shoulder width. Otherwise you are going to look like a deer being chased. Not good. Not good at all.

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  51. I think the worst is that it has become such an ingrained part of society. That boys grow up with this kind of behaviour not only not being "punished", but in some ways even rites of passage. That men, like in Farrah's case, even teach their sons this kind of behaviour by example.


    Little girls are taught from small on to be afraid of men = wrong message right there and then, perpetuating just the ever present war between genders. Little girls being taught they have to be nice, pleasant, a doll, diplomatic and not defending their boundaries properly is just making them tolerate that shit far longer than they should. That guy called you a bitch for not wanting to dance with him? Right on, be proud to be a bitch. Here's to the bitches.


    Awareness is good, but we also have to teach our kids. Both the males & females.

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  52. I completely agree, Alex. It's just so sad that we (men and women) have grown accustomed to these actions, and most of the time, they just go ignored. I feel like we shouldn't still be in a transitional phase from when women were treated like you described. Back in the day, women were considered property, which is wrong, obviously, but we've evolved so much as a society, and that should have evolved with it. I think it's so important that we do teach our future generations that things like this aren't okay, and they shouldn't be tolerated. Thanks so much for your input, Alex. I really appreciate it!

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  53. And RIGHT after I commented on this, I was at the bank when a guy walked by me, looked me up and down, and said "Hey cutie," and turned to watch me walk away, making noises when I didn't respond. Grrrrreat. Luckily, I have a sarcastic sense of humor about it. On a really bad day I would have turned around and let him have it.

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