Endless Bliss | Happy Lifestyle Blog: learning to fight my insecurities.

learning to fight my insecurities.

Everyone always told me that I couldn't be insecure about my body because I'm skinny, but weight isn't the only thing that people can be insecure about.

Middle school me.
Being comfortable with my self image is something that I've always struggled with. It was really bad in middle school. I spent so much time comparing myself to my friends, constantly thinking that my friends were prettier than me and that I would spend my life being single because there was no way any boy would want to go out with a girl who had hairy arms, gap teeth, a unibrow and a big nose. 


High school me in 2007.
In high school, I started to find different things to be insecure about. I'm actually a pretty oblivious person, and I don't realize a lot of things until someone points it out to me. That's where a lot of my insecurities stemmed from. Someone told me that I was wearing my pants too high and that made me realize that I had a short torso. I stopped tucking in my shirt and started stretching out my undershirts so they would go past my hips and make my torso look longer. Someone told me that I was probably supposed to be born a boy because a part of my neck bone sticks out a little, making me look like I have an Adam's apple and "only boys have Adam's apples." People would point things out about my body that I never even noticed, and I started to call myself ugly. 

It wasn't until my junior year of college that I was finally able to silence those voices and stop worrying so much about how people viewed my appearance. I realized that it didn't matter what people thought about me; it only mattered how I viewed myself. If I continued to allow everyone else's voice to be louder than mine, then where would that leave me?


Everyone is insecure about themselves in some way, which is why I don't understand those who feel the need to point out negative things about another's appearance...or anything else about anyone for that matter. People have enough trouble trying to create a positive self image of themselves; they don't need anyone else's opinion affecting it. I mean, it took me 21 years to finally be comfortable with how I look, and a lot of that has to do with the negative words that people were putting in my ear (some of which I'm still trying to silence). Wouldn't it be nice if we could just ignore the negative things people say about us and stop comparing ourselves to celebrities and the people around us?

College me in 2012. I'm so lucky to be me, because no one can be a better me than me!
I'm still fighting my way through my insecurities, but I'm incredibly lucky to have gotten to a point where I'm comfortable with how I look (it's not like I can change it! And now I don't want to!) and to have family and friends that support me and a boyfriend who thinks I'm beautiful no matter what.

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45 comments :

  1. Let me say that I think you are gorgeous!! I too struggled with insecurities (especially the "you're too skinny" ones) And it wasnt until mid college that I finally looked in the mirror and said "I am Happy with me"..I also had to realize that all those people who were pointing their fingers were only doing it to make themselves feel better and that I was no longer going to let someone elses issues bother me. Thank you for this post! Im sure alot of women can relate.

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  2. Pretty lady , I can feel you . We all have that certain point of insecurities . I survived secondary school thinking my weight was much heavier than other girls. I wanted to be skinny and it was a crazy thing . But some awesome people of my life made me realize the real beauty. I am happy for you . You're so pretty ! ( There's some gap in my front teeth , and it's a wealth omen if you didn't know ;D)

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  3. It's such a shame that both of us had to wait so long to feel comfortable with ourselves, but it's completely understandable considering the society we live in that is so hung up on looks. I've never been the type of person who would just make fun of someone just for the sake of making fun of them. I even get nervous when I have to tell someone they have ketchup on their face or something. Thank you so much for reading and for your kind words. You're so sweet!

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  4. You're so lucky to have friends that help you feel better about yourself! When I was younger, I always seemed to ignore the positive things that people said about me and dwell on the negative. Luckily, I've grown past that. And that's wonderful to hear about the wealth omen! My braces fixed the gap, but maybe it'll still bring me wealth! So far, not so much haha.

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  5. First, you are so dang pretty! Second, I can relate to so much of this & sadly I think a lot of girls (& guys) grow up being so insecure. I had the worst self-esteem ever in high-school and it was the same kind of thing-- things I didn't ever notice about myself, but when someone pointed them out I started to think THAT must be what everyone thinks when they look at me! Which is so silly when I look back on it, but at the time it was awful! I think it actually took me until about my junior year of college as well to finally get to where I was truly happy with myself. I guess that is all a part of life, you learn as you grow :)

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  6. It's just crazy to think how easily we're all influenced by the words of other people, especially at a young age. You're right, though - it's all a part of life. Which is a shame when you think about it. I would love for everyone to just think positively about themselves at a young age and not have to go through all of that for 20-something years. Thanks for your sweet words and for sharing your experience!

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  7. I think especially as women it becomes difficult to put those voices out of our heads - I'm still not sure I can silence them all the time, so bravo to you for doing it junior year! Anyway, you are absolutely gorgeous! And I really appreciate you posting a real post like this, I know it had to be difficult to write it all out there like this!


    Miche from Buttons and Birdcages

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  8. Silencing the harsh words is definitely a process, and like you said, I don't know if it would be possible to shut them all out 100%. It definitely wasn't an easy post to write, and once I was through with it, I wasn't even sure I wanted to post it. Thank you for reading and sharing your kind words.

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  9. I really do not understand for one second how anyone could say anything negative about your appearance! you are a beautiful person on the outside and see to be pretty damn good looking on the inside too!

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  10. Erin, you're way too sweet! Always boosting my ego! I've learned that some people are just mean and will say anything to make anyone feel inferior. I just try not to let it bother me anymore.

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  11. Wow, I can't believe people were so cruel to you! You are gorgeous!! It is so shocking to me how mean people can be. Some people are just miserable in their own lives, so they try to bring others down. I've come to realize that my looks are NEVER going to change (besides maybe wrinkles and weight change), so I need to accept my appearance. I definitely embrace my positive qualities and I'm glad you have too!

    xo Megan, LushtoBlush.com

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  12. That's horrible how rude people were (you are seriously gorg!) but i LOVE this mindest! :)

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  13. I think alot of us struggle with that. But girl you're gorgeous no matter what anyone says. Dont ever let someone make you feel that you're arent. B/c you DEFINITELY are by far. and being rude about it means they are just jealous of you and your looks. :D

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  14. I think acceptance of your appearance is the most powerful and brave thing that you can possibly do for yourself. I wish it was something that I was able to do at a younger age. Now, I'm just so happy with myself and how I look, because, like you said, you can't change it! I've been able to start focusing on the things that I love about myself rather than dwelling on the things that other people in my life have deemed as a negative quality. Thank you for reaching out and sharing your kind words!

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  15. People really can be cruel, but luckily I've been able to grow from the negativity. Thanks so much!

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  16. Wow! Thank you so much for saying that. That's so nice of you. It was just easy for me to listen to all of the negative things that people were saying about me rather than listening to all of the positive ones. I'm in a much better place now, thankfully! :)

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  17. That's good. Get rid of all the negativity and you will be amazed at how much better life can be.

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  18. Followed you on Bloglovin' http://ravenousreads.blogspot.com/

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  19. I can totally relate to this post. I've been thinking about this lately too, actually, how my self-image has changed over the years. A lot of what you say here hits home for me, especially the being oblivious part and not starting to worry about something until someone else points it out. I had that with my eyebrows, which were never that bad, I don't think, but I developed trichotillomania just out of high school and it took me years to get over it enough to have eyebrows again (I still relapse sometimes - hell, I had a relapse last weekend). I was plucking my eyebrows the other day and my cat kept looking at me and I was like, "It's totally unnatural, isn't it?" and it was a bit of a breakthrough, dumb as it sounds.


    But then there are things I've always been self-conscious about that I haven't really paid attention to in a while. It's funny because I wouldn't say I like them now, but I think about how self-conscious of my knees I used to be, my jaw, my small mouth, my eyes, and it's just — it's just features, and they're not BAD. They're not going to change. I don't always feel pretty, but I no longer call myself ugly, which I did when I was in high school. I want to blog about this sometime, specifically in the context of my modeling, which is a whole other can of worms.


    Anyway, thanks for posting this. And by the way, you are super cute. ;)

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  20. Yas'Mine CooperDecember 5, 2013 at 7:21 AM

    Well first off I want to say that you are gorgeous! & that I wish I had your eyebrows! I hate mine!! But I think we all kind of went thru insecurities during middle and high school. But I am dealing with this issue MAJORELY now that I've had Aamier (he's trying to eat my hands and phone as I type lol) but this is a major issue with me now and I'm trying to deal with it and fix the situation but it's not that easy anymore.. I'm a little motivated though so I'm trying. But you look great!

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  21. For some sad reason, it makes people feel better about themselves to point out others flaws :( I'm pretty sure compliments would make EVERYONE feel better instead.
    You are BEAUTIFUL! Loved this post! (And I have to remind myself daily... MOST people don't see the flaws we see in ourselves!)

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  22. It's so great that you're able to see yourself in a positive light now! It would be wonderful if everyone could get to that point. This is definitely something that everyone (skinny or not) has struggled with. I blame the images we see on TV (Victoria Secret models for example). Everyone is beautiful. And you look great!

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  23. You're such an amazing person Tiffany! Every person has insecurities, I had mine! I suffered from skin issues that made me look too dark than anyone else in the family! I was super insecure. I'm glad those days are over. You're gorgeous, just remember that! And you're the only one gal I found in bloggyland who has (almost) same hair like me! *wink*

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  24. Thanks so much for sharing your story. I've never heard of Trichotillomania, but I just looked it up, and I can't imagine how bad that struggle must have been. I always thought it was weird that I never noticed things about myself until people pointed it out to me. It just sucks that people decided to take those things and twist them into being negative. I'm at a point now where I just try not to dwell on the things about myself that I've hated for so long. I've finally been able to accept those things, and, like you, realize that those parts about me that I didn't like aren't actually BAD; I just made them seem worse than they are. I also relapse in a way, not to the extremity of Trichotillomania, but just randomly think negatively about a part of myself that I'm just used to not liking. It's definitely a journey. I can't wait to read your future post, and thanks for your kind words!

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  25. I can't even imagine what it must be like to look at your body after having a child, but you are absolutely gorgeous! I don't think I'll ever be 100% satisfied with EVERYTHING about me, but I'm learning that the things that I once hated about myself aren't as terrible as I made them out to be. Keep being motivated and keep your head up! You are so pretty, and I know you will get to a point where you are happier with yourself than you are now! And in the meantime, you have a cute little baby to play with :) Miss you, and thank you for commenting!

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  26. That is such a terrible truth. I was never one of those people that could constantly point out the negative physical qualities of another person. I never understood those people, and I tried to avoid those people as much as possible when I was in school. I knew that making fun of someone would not make me feel better about myself; if anything, it would make me feel worse. I always thought that if I wasn't satisfied with how I looked, then what gave me the right to say something negative about someone else? And thank you for saying that! It's so nice of you.

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  27. During high school, it's like a constant struggle with body image all the time. I guess as an adult, it's a lot easier to accept the things that you didn't like about yourself at a young age. The media is definitely a huge factor in the struggle with body image, and like you said, everyone goes through it, men, women, skinny or not. I agree, everyone is beautiful, and we all just need to start embracing that beauty within ourselves. Thanks for your sweet comment!

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  28. Thank you so much! You're so sweet, Areeba! I definitely think everyone goes through some self image struggles throughout their lives, and I'm happy to hear that you have overcome your struggle. And yay for having the same hair! It's such a hassle to take care of sometimes! Haha.

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  29. I'm so proud of you for rising above all of that. It amazes me how people who are insecure with themselves can only find happiness by putting others down. Stay strong Sweet Pea! I have nothing but love and respect for you.

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  30. Where are these rude people? Oh, they aren't around your awesomeness anymore? Good, because I love you just the way you are (didn't mean to quote a song, but sometimes it just happens) and if anyone tries to tell you differently I'll take care of them *insert mean face here*. Even though I know you can take care of yourself, but you know me... http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=p-KdXdfmWa0 hehehehehehe Love, love, love!

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  31. Thanks, daddy! The world is full of cruel people, but luckily there are a lot of good people out there too. I learned how to be strong from you! You're the best, and I love you!

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  32. Thank goodness most of those people are way in the past now! I don't need anymore negative people in my life, that's for sure. Songs have the best advice in them, so I think it's awesome that you accidentally quoted one haha. That song is just too much! Love you!

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  33. Hey pretty girl! I'm so glad you decided to share this post with us readers. It really lets me know that I'm not the only one that has to silence those voices of the past. Like someone else mentioned, it takes a very flawed individual to always point out the flaws of others. Jealous people operate in this same way. Keep holding your head high and smiling, because you're beautiful inside and out-- that's something no one (or their rude remarks) can take away from you. Great post!

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  34. Thank you so much for saying that! It has been a battle throughout my life, and I know I will never be 100% satisfied with everything about myself, I mean, no one can really, so I'm just happy to have gotten to the point where I am now. And like I said, I'm lucky to have supportive people by my side.

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  35. Having a positive body image is so hard in a society full of photoshop and filters. I think it's so important to acknowledge that we all look different, and that's what makes us beautiful. The things we usually view as flaws, other people are wishing for. I'm always complaining about my hair, but at the same time I get so many compliments on it. I want to live in a world where people embrace their differences!

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  36. Yes, me too!! I think we could get there, someday. Have you ever read the Militant Baker?

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  37. It's an amazing body positive blog :)

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  38. Awesome! I'll have to go check it out!

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  39. Um... you were totally adorable as a kid and you're crazy gorgeous now, but I hear you. Everyone has those pesky insecurities. The trick is not letting them get the best of us :)

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  40. Thanks so much! I was definitely an awkward kid, but I think I grew up okay haha. It's so true that we all have our insecurities, and I'm happy that I'm finally confident enough to let most of what people say (and things I think/say to myself) not get to me as much.

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  41. awesome post Tiffany! thanks for sharing this ♥ Everyone is beautiful in their own way and I think we should all work to see that in others rather than pointing out what's wrong with everyone.

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  42. So happy you liked this post, Tianna! I agree that everyone is beautiful in their own way, and it's also so important for us to see the beauty in ourselves and take everyone else's opinion with a grain of salt.

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  43. THANK YOU for sharing this!! I've always been skinny and I was actually usually pretty insecure about being too skinny. In the last few years I've gained some weight and now I feel that insecurity that girls feel and I have to remind myself to be body positive and about doing things that are healthy in both food, workout and emotions (i.e. positive body image)

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